I haven’t posted in a while, even though I have been writing. Organizing my thoughts enough to ‘publish’ them here in Duchess has been challenging because of a major distraction.
After our trip to Prague, we made the difficult decision to leave Europe and return to the States. The short-of-it reasons were SoundCloud was not a good fit for Benjamin, and even more, our immediate families needed us closer. So we decided to return.
Writing this now, back in D.C., in another temporary apartment, I am exhausted, and I am not sure how much or how I should put this all down. While we were having coffee at her place in NC, my lovely friend Jen asked how I thought I was doing “mentally.” I answered that I wasn’t sure yet. I’m still not, but I suppose writing will get me there eventually. I know I have learned some things in the last six months.
1. I know I am a writer. I am a writer, and I have to keep myself from returning to the traditional classroom. Leading groups toward their academic or creative goals is an honor. But the profession is not respected. Expectations do not match pay, unrealistic work loads exist in most every educational system (public, magnet, private, charter, etc.). The classroom is a powerfully comfortable but energy-sucking place, and if I am to ever teach again, it needs to be in a creative workshop capacity or contractual tutoring of some kind. Maybe. I know I can’t have any more imbalances with regards to this. I am a writer. I need to focus on publishing, even if it takes years.
2. I know I want to keep traveling and writing about travel. Previous to being in Europe, Funny Duchess was not a travel blog. It was not a collaboration with Benjamin, so it had none of his beautiful photos. Duchess was a word-based blog about different kinds of art, and while I liked it, I have decided to officially make FD about travel…international, national, and local. Yes, a trip across the Atlantic was a big deal for me, but I also believe that traveling within your own city is worthy of reflection, depending on how you describe it. John Stilgoe’s book, Outside Lies Magic, reminds me that a walk or a bike ride down your own street can be a story. There is history and symbolism right outside your door. This being said, it is also healthy to go somewhere far from home. The lessons are invaluable. The traveler in me was asleep for awhile, out of fear. I think I can handle airplanes now, and I want to keep going.
3. Moving to a foreign country is very different from visiting one. Duh. Benjamin used the term “cognitive overhead” to refer to the energy it took to figure things out, the smallest things, in another language and culture. Yes, it’s Romantic and fun to dream about living abroad. But when you finally do it, the practical stuff hits, the daily differences can seem like mountains to climb, and you feel exhausted. If you, dear reader, have never lived in another culture, it will not be possible for you to relate. While yes, the Southeast or Southwest of the U.S. is different from the Midwest, or while the East Coast has varying flavors and paces from the West Coast, etc. etc. etc., this is still one language, one country, one shared, big ol’ messed up history. The U.S. is one kind of dream, and Europe is another. To my U.S. friends and colleagues who have lived in countries far more “different” from Europe, I extend deeper respect. You’re probably thinking, “Germany is nothing compared to Nepal, Sudan, or Cambodia (to name just a few of the places where our friends have spent extended amounts of time).” Friends, I believe you, even more now.
4. Variety is something that North Americans take for granted. In the stores in Berlin, certain things seemed to be offered with only 4 choices–4 flavors of Greek yogurt, 4 types of canned soup, 4 types of red sauce for pasta. Other things of national pride, however, were there in abundance like: bread, beer (or ‘liquid bread’ made with, you guessed it, 4 ingredients–this is a rule, for real) cake, ice cream, cold meat, and cheese. I’m glad to be home to Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s.
5. The numbers 30, 60, and 90 are important in Germany. When leaving a job or an apartment, you must provide 30, 60, or even 90 days notice. When waiting for something to ship from another country, you must be patient. Now, I understand that ships are slow. But I think there is perhaps a “nostalgia for waiting” that may be left over from the old days. When German customs sent a package back to my parents, after it had been sitting there for 90 days, I was at first upset, but I eventually shrugged. It was my mistake not to research the very strict laws about bringing in cold medicine, vitamins, and Advil. My friend hurt her back, and the Berlin doctor wrote a prescription for ibuprofen. Healing naturally takes time (maybe 30, 60, or 90 days–ha ha). Healing means waiting. This is indeed true. But if you deal with pain every day, you may want relief a little faster. If you’re making a big personal life decision regarding job or family, you most likely don’t want to wait either. I’m glad to be back where the numbers 5, 7, 14 are more popular.
In fairness, Germany has excellent health care when it comes to physical therapy. I did not have to wait for this, and my PT taught me strengthening exercises that I will continue to use. She was compassionate, smart, and fun to talk with during our sessions. I feel lucky to have been part of Germany’s health care system.
6. Dogs were more popular than cats in our neighborhood, but I still found cats and friends with cats. Thank you, Laurel and Roman, for letting me babysit Meshka, and thank you, Julie and Brendan, for letting me babysit Nico. Meow!
7. Bureaucracy and order are often confused as synonyms, and with certain German officials, these are cherished above critical thinking, context, circumstance, or compassion. Also, paper is extremely important to the officials. This is weird for me to poke fun of, yes, because I draw and write on paper, and I love to feel my hands in pulp when I make it. But in a world where you book train tickets on-line, I think there needs to be some flexibility, some get-with-the-times-already for certain German officials. In a future post, I will describe how leaving Germany and interacting with DB officials was truly ridiculous.
8. I loved the quiet of Europe, how it was perfect for writing, and along with my friends in Berlin, I will miss this the most. Julie guessed that returning would feel like this. I thought simply hearing English would be a big distraction, and it is. But it is nothing compared to the annoying music in public spaces. From restaurants to food markets, there is unnecessarily loud blasts of usually crappy music everywhere. While we were in Barnes and Noble, I asked the manager if it were possible to change the discordant, frenetic jazz to something more ‘cafe like.’ Ok, I didn’t use these exact words, but it didn’t matter. She answered, “Well, I can skip the CD, but there’s no guarantee what the next one will be.” I pushed further, “Doesn’t it get to you?” She said that she just ‘tuned it out.’ Oy. I can only hope that eventually I will do this. But I don’t know. To her credit, the manager did skip the CD ahead and some nice folk music came on.
Shakespeare and Sons, I miss you. Hopefully, I will find a quiet cafe to write in the District of Columbia. This is my quest. Please stay tuned for posts on friends in Berlin, the rhythms and romance of Paris and London, the beauty of Florida, and the comforts of North Carolina and D.C. Thank you for reading. Until next time…